Your best jokes!!

[Pogoss1]

Envoyé par cuty-pie non ca prononce "Idiyet"

cuty-pie a raison; ca se prononce edyet ( phonetique anglophone )

[BlazePUA]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[cuty-pie]

Envoyé par cuty-pie Chinese Call-Center.:-D caller: Hello can I speak to Annie Wan? operator:Yes you can speak to me. Caller: No I want to speak To Annie Wan Operator: I understand you want to speak to Anyone. you can speak to me. who is this? Caller: I'm sam Wan.And I need to speak to Annie Wan!.it's urgent! operator:I know you are someone and you want to talk to Anyone but what's this urgent matter about? Not done yet!!!Will be back :-D

Caller: well.....just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident Noe Wan Got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.right now ,Avery Wan is on his way to the HOspital.

Operator: Look,if no one is injured and no one was sent to the hospital,then the accident isn't an urgent matter.....and I don't have time for this.

Caller: you are so rude!! Who are you?

Operator: I'm saw Ree

Caller: yes you should be sorry. Now give me your name

Operator: That's what I said.I'm Saw Ree.....

[cuty-pie]

Envoyé par BlazePUA I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

Men think w/ their head???I don't think so

I think men use money lo leverage their s....lives,but women use money to be free from the obligations of s....and if men aren't getting as much as of they want maybe it's because they're attracting women for the wrong reasons.

PS:your joke was very funny...

[cuty-pie]

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. :d

[corbier]

C' est un marocain qui vient d' avoir son visa pour les States alors il va aux USA, et lui se crois deja un Americain veux draguer une super-nana.
Il lui fait des propositions et la fille répond:
- Never!
Il répond:
- 9 heures ? D'accord !

[cuty-pie]

Envoyé par corbier C' est un marocain qui vient d' avoir son visa pour les States alors il va aux USA, et lui se crois deja un Americain veux draguer une super-nana. Il lui fait des propositions et la fille répond: - Never! Il répond: - 9 heures ?D'accord !

hahahahhaha.
j'imagine la scene

[SKIMOU]

Envoyé par cuty-pie A man walked into a smart specialty shop and asked the saleslady for a bra as a gift to his wife the salesgirl said"what size is she??" "I'm not sure" "Is she as large as grapfruits??" "Smaller" "Apples??" "Smaller" "Egges??" "Yeah -but fried"

" Blur "



so good ?

[SKIMOU]

Une petite fille de 9 ans demande à sa maman :
- Quel âge as-tu, maman ?
- Cela ne se demande pas ma chérie, lui répond sa mère.
- Combien tu mesures, maman ?
- Cela n'est pas important ma chérie, reprend la mère.
- Maman, pourquoi toi et papa avez divorcé ? Redemande la petite fille.
- Cela ne te regarde pas ma chérie, dit la mère en terminant la discussion.
La petite fille demanda à sa meilleure copine pourquoi les adultes ne parlent pas de ces choses-là.
Sa copine lui dit :
- C'est vraiment simple, toutes les réponses à nos questions sont sur leur carte d'identité. Le lendemain la petite fille fouille dans le sac à mains de sa mère et trouve sa carte d'identité.
Elle est ravie de voir que son amie disait vrai, toutes les réponses à ses questions s'y trouvent ! Elle court alors voir sa mère et lui dit :
- Maman, je sais ton âge.
- Ah oui ? Et j'ai quel âge ?
- 36 ans. Et je sais combien tu mesures.
- Ah oui ? Combien ?
- 1 mètre 71. Et je sais aussi pourquoi toi et papa avez, divorcé.
- Et bien cela m'étonnerait fort !
- Tu as eu un F en sexe... et çà, ce n'est vraiment pas une bonne note!

[cuty-pie]

A little cute/sad story:

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind , she hated everyone ,
except her loving boyfriend , he was always there for her , she told her boyfriend , ( If I could only see the world , I will marry you ).

One day , someone donated a pair of eyes to her , when the bandages came off , she was able to see everything , including her boyfriend.

He asked her : (Now that you can see the world , will you marry me ?) The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind too , the sight of his closed eyelids shocked her , she hadn't expected that , the thought of looking at them the rest of her life , led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left in tears , days later wrote a note to her saying : ( Take good care of your eyes , my dear , for before they were yours , they were mine ).