Biggest Breakup Mistakes: part 4

[WinterKiss]

Trying to make your ex jealous is one of the most common forms of manipulation. It's a way of saying "You may not want me, but my new guy/girl wants me."

I've seen many relationship gurus support this idea as a way of returning your love to you. They think your ex will realize how much they like you and will come crawling back.

Don't buy it. I've seen this backfire many times. It may work initially, but soon enough you'll be right back where you started.

Why jealousy doesn't work: When you're ex sees you with a new "love interest," they might conclude any of the following...

1. You are no longer available. Any lingering doubts they have had are now replaced with a clear sign they should move on, and perhaps find a new love themselves.

2. You are clearly trying to make them jealous, or you are using this new person as a rebound. In either case, you run the risk of looking immature, which is obviously not an attractor. If your ex sees through your plan, you efforts to get back together are dead.

3. Initially, either consciously or sub-consciously, your ex may wonder how they stack up against your new love interest. They may even wonder if they are good enough for you. And for the sake of satisfying their ego, they may get back together with you.

This is what some of the so-called experts have tried to sell. In most cases you will not get back together and for those rare cases that do get back together, their chances for staying together are slim. That's because, once you're back together your ex's ego (and any doubts) are satisfied. Once you're back together, they realize the other love interest you had, was just a passing fancy and doesn't stack up to them. And they realize that no, you are not too good for them, as you took them back. And once the thrill of "the game" is over, they are left in a relationship that is the same as when you both broke up. I've rarely seen a relationship stick in this situation and almost always ends up in another breakup

[mkindy]

Never mind ...

[WinterKiss]

Envoyé par mkindy Never mind ...

why never mind did you want to say sth and someone stoped you?

[farid_h]

Envoyé par WinterKiss This is what some of the so-called experts have tried to sell. In most cases you will not get back together and for those rare cases that do get back together, their chances for staying together are slim. That's because, once you're back together your ex's ego (and any doubts) are satisfied. Once you're back together, they realize the other love interest you had, was just a passing fancy and doesn't stack up to them. And they realize that no, you are not too good for them, as you took them back. And once the thrill of "the game" is over, they are left in a relationship that is the same as when you both broke up. I've rarely seen a relationship stick in this situation and almost always ends up in another breakup

I'll tell you a little secret: forget those generalizing rules and rely on your own instinct! Why? Because people are... you know... different! They're WAY too different for any set of rules that any "expert" may come up with. Every psychologist knows this basic truth.

So, jealousy... well, it may work -- to some extent -- with some co-dependent people, but it can wreak havoc with other people. If used very carefully, it could save a relationship; or it could poison it beyond repair. Why is that so? It depends on how the person you're trying to influence has grown up, what kind of experiences they gathered in previous relationships, even their genetic makeup comes into play.

Everyone reacts differently... and even if you know them very well... often in unpredictable ways. It all boils down to this: don't be manipulative, at least not consciously. We're all manipulative in one way or another subconsciously, and it shouldn't get past that. Our subconscious is good at picking up hints and hidden signals and at interpreting them as they were intended. Let it work for you... and keep in mind that you love someone for a reason -- and that includes to respect them as an autonomous individual who should have the right to make her own choices, free of undue (conscious) pressure.

May you succeed at winning your friend back! I really wish you all the best and good luck.

[WinterKiss]

Envoyé par farid_h I'll tell you a little secret: forget those generalizing rules and rely on your own instinct! Why? Because people are... you know... different! They're WAY too different for any set of rules that any "expert" may come up with. Every psychologist knows this basic truth. So, jealousy... well, it may work -- to some extent -- with some co-dependent people, but it can wreak havoc with other people. If used very carefully, it could save a relationship; or it could poison it beyond repair. Why is that so? It depends on how the person you're trying to influence has grown up, what kind of experiences they gathered in previous relationships, even their genetic makeup comes into play. Everyone reacts differently... and even if you know them very well... often in unpredictable ways. It all boils down to this: don't be manipulative, at least not consciously. We're all manipulative in one way or another subconsciously, and it shouldn't get past that. Our subconscious is good at picking up hints and hidden signals and at interpreting them as they were intended. Let it work for you... and keep in mind that you love someone for a reason -- and that includes to respect them as an autonomous individual who should have the right to make her own choices, free of undue (conscious) pressure. May you succeed at winning your friend back! I really wish you all the best and good luck.

i extremly like your point of view and i apreciate your interjection.thank you so much and i will rely- well i did already relied -on my self instinct and talents that i own to get my life love back.and as soon as im near by her i will use my techniues to get her fully back.i want our baby daughter to live between the two of us.thanks you again